Fanfiction.net
Read, and please do review, even if its a flame. I've had harder disses when told face to face.

Wow, its excellent. U do have a flair for writing. I liked the story a lot. I guess u would make a good author one day.
Enough of compliments. So, are u going to continue it? Have u got a story line prepared?

Yep. I got it all going. The next one should be up by the end of this month, I hope. I hoped you reviewed, if you have a account.

U want a critic's review. Fine.
The story (as I said earlier) was well written. However, can't the djinni ( that's u)do something unusual for a change? Instead of detonations could'nt the djinni use better methods for escape & kill? Something innovative? And 5 mins of solid running, with a djinni around made little sense. Could'nt Nero just pick the magician up & fly them to safety? And Attila's account sounded a lot like Nat's in the end of AoS. Also, did'nt the horse truly realize Nero for what he was? We don't see spirits in BT dealing with animals, but can't they sense them for what they really are?
And in the second last line of the page, change 'with' to 'will'. That's all. By the way, I like the names a lot.
Edit :- Since, I don't have an account I reviewed it here. Also, I read just the first chapter. Shall read more when I get time & I shall review every chapter, coz I like doing that & I know how frustating it can be when u don't get much reviews.

Yes well the chapters past 5 are the best.

U did'nt answer my question yet.

OH. Sorry.
As for the usual thing, the djinni is still young then and so, obeys very easily, since it's confused.
Two: As for the method thing, simple for Nero and he doesn't know too many others.
Three: Fly to safety, I never thought of that. Neither did Nero
Four: I didn't realized both tales seemed the same. Well, both were similar; both were power hungry and both had started to turn into horrible beings. Both did, but Nat snapped out of it.
Five: The horses were "broken". Modern methods are when they beat the horse to obedience. Same with Hunnish horses; wild, yet tame to their will

Good answers. I never reflected on Nero's youth. Shall read the second chapter tom.

I broke my promise! Wahwah .........I hate breaking promises.
Sry Nero, school work & exams consumed my time.

The second chapter was better than the first in many ways. The flow was better & the descriptions were vivid. However, how can a djinni defeat 4 afrits? It's against the nature of spirits. However smart, innovative, strong etcetc a djinni is, it cannot defeat afrits. Much less with the ease with which Nero did. Mightbe it can trick it, escape it, hold its own during a fight (very rarely though), but cannot simply just defeat it. Esp. 4 afrits.

Otherwise, I found it quite good & interesting. Try adding footnotes, instead of using brackets, though the latter would do too. It's just that I am mad on footnotes after reading the BT. And ya, u have got a touch a humour, but it could be better excercised.

Edit- I hope no one is gonna chastise me for double posting. After all, the previous post is 10 days old.

Thank you. I think some double posts are ok.
Nero doesn't use footnotes, even if you are crazed about them. Barty does, and he will appear in the next chapter.
And his sudden power is revealed also, so try to keep reading. I know how school is.

Whew! The 3rd chapter was fab! I loved it!

I have very little complaints this time. Just two.
1. There was a lot of minute mistakes. Eg:- 'I' in place of 'it'. So, that's basically alright, as the meaning is not lost.
2. Bart being such an experienced djinni should know better than to cover Nero with silver & leave him to his fate. Being smart, he ought to have anticipated the summons.

Ya, and I loved all the footnotes & Bart's jokes. They were cool!

Well, he didn't quite see the entire damage he did, and he was a bit excited after being on a roll, so er, yeah. But thanks. I appreciate the nice review. And yes, there were still a few mistakes. Even after a revamp chapter.

Another good one. I like this chapter best as for the first time Nero & Bart acquaint themselves well - something I have been waiting for since chap 1.

Mini caesar seems to be a different & interesting master. Somewhat reminds me of ptolemy. And I was surprised how fast Nero forgave Bart. And Nero's strength is now understood.

I might be wrong but is'nt a prism triangular in shape? It was mentioned as a cube once. Still, I am not sure abt it. And the strength of the entity present in the prism is equivalent to Nouda's strength, right?

Continue writing & I shall continue reading. Though my next reply might probably be in March, as my exams are advancing & I need to study.

The story is great so far! (I've only read the first 4 chapters but i can tell its going to be good)
I really like how you made Nero seem like he really is - younger than Bart.

Why thank you. And I read the review. Thanks. I replied.
There'll be another chapter in about two weeks.

Um, don't be so desperate for reviews. People will read the fic, less than a third will leave a review.

You've got potential really. Is this your first fic? I would recommend starting with Oneshots, chaptered fics are a pain in the ass. 75 chapters is not going to happen.

The story is good, but not great. Meh, the plot is a bit tepid. An underdog hero kicking ass and getting caught up in event after event? Giving the poor djinn some control over his destiny.

Not really desperate. Just like it if they did.
Thanks Post. Thought you'd say something a lot more...silly?
:D

Post can occasionally be sensible, shock horror. He writes quite a bit himself, so he should know what he's talking about.

So I hear.

wrote:Why thank you. And I read the review. Thanks. I replied.
There'll be another chapter in about two weeks.

Cool :lol: