Dear Dad,

Sometimes I wonder how I'd feel if I saw your face again. Last time I saw you I was somewhere around eight. Have you changed much? I don't think I have, but who knows?

It seems an eternity since I wrote to you last, I know. But you kepp phasing in and out of my life, of my thoughts...I don't know if you're worth the time. I know this seems cruel and sudden of me, but I have to say this. If you're out of my life, you're out of my life. There's nothing either of us can do about it. I know you want to keep a relationship with me by writing to me, but you and I both know it won't work out in the end. I can't let this continue. It hurts too much.

I'm sure your heart's breaking with each passing word, but this is something I've always felt I needed to tell you. Please just finish reading. I love you as a child would a father, I really do, but I can't do this. It hurts too mich to keep such a distant relationship with you. I known deep down inside you're feeling the same way.

Don't think this isn't why I haven't been writing to you, because it's not the entire reason. Things have been very...depressing lately and I didn't have time to write. Every time I write to you my heart breaks a little more. I can't continue this.

I love you with all my heart, I really do. You'll be forever there, but how far van my love go when I hardly know you? This really can't go on forever, and you know it. You can continue writing to me if you like, and I'll write to you, but I don't see how we'll get any futher then that.

This is hurting me just as much as it is you, I know, but you have to understand. I need an actual person that'll be there for me when I need them, not just a letter once a months. I need an actual 'father' character, and you're just can't do it. Don't think I want Ed to be my father over you, because you'll never be replaced. I just want someone - anyone - that can support me when I need supporting.

I'm fighting back tears as I write this. It's hard for me to say all this without feeling guilty, and I'm trying my best to let you down easy. Please don't hate me for this. I'm just saying that if you're not going to be in my life constantly, don't worry about being in my life at all. I don't to hurt you, but I don't want to hurt myself. That's exactly what I'm doing when I respond to your letters.

Speaking of your letters, I've kept all of them. If you want to send any more, I'll always keep them close to me. You'll always be close to me, and anything you care to send to me will be kept close at all times. I'll never let anything happen to them.

I'll always think of you, although my heart breaks every time I do. I can't keep this us, Dad. I just can't. I'm not trying to be selfish or to break your heart or to seperate from you cpmpletely or anything. I just need to know that you know what I know deep down inside. I'll bet you anything you're feeling it, too. This is hurting me far more then it is you, trust me. If you're ever gonna do anything in my life for me, do this now. Please, don't hate me. I don't want you to hate me - that's not whyI'm writing this. I just want you to know how my heart's breaking. Just writing this is breaking me. This is why I can't continue on this way.

I love you more then I know, and I hope and pray to God you feel the same. Please, God, please don't hate me.

Please.
Bianca.

Wow! I am in class, and every one is looking at me because I am crying... that is so... I don't know, but I like it.

*I know.. I am very emotional.*

I think you should send it, It tells him how you feel, and to beable to write something like that gets a lot off of your chest if you know he knows what is going on inside you.

If you don't want to say, you don't have to... but just curious, why is he not in your life?

He and my mom seperated shortly after I was born.


And you really think I should send it? I'm so worried it'll break his heart.

I am sorry to here that.

It might help him see what he is missing and want to come see you. Breaking his heart might help.

He's...we'll...In jail in massachusettes right now.


And I started crying when I wrote this, so don't be ashamed.

You repeat the same thing over and over again... which I don't think will make it any better for him.
Refine it a little and then send it.

Just a first draft anyway...Just what I was thinking at the moment.

Hand write it dont type it

I came up with it on my computer and then I copied it down. So, you think I should send it to him, too?

Man, I was listening to Ben Folds Five - The Luckiest too.

wrote:Speaking of your letters, I've kept all of them. If you want to send any more, I'll always keep them close to me. You'll always be close to me, and anything you care to send to me will be kept close at all times. I'll never let anything happen to them.

Didn't you just say that the letters hurt you? And you keep repeating the same thing to him, which would probably be like a blow in the groin. Like the paragraph before the closing sentence, you summed up what you already said three times.

Really? Hmm...

Call him instead. It's more personal. But you can use the letter as reference.

I doubt I can call him. <_<

Write him a letter to call you, I don't know, it's better 'cos you can see how he reacts. You'll know when you've said enough, or not.

Did you read that other post? He's in jail in massachusettes. Like I said before, I doubt he can call me.

What is he in jail for?

(Supposedly) Shaking my baby sister until she got the SBS. She's okay, though.

Oh my.... Good to hear your sister is ok!

I don't know if he did it or not since he was with his new girlfriend when it happened. So I don't know if the girlfriend is lying or if my dad is. It's so hard seeing your father with another woman while you're standing next to your mother.

Yes. Sorry.