I've just discovered this thread, and my oh my have I been shipped with a lot of things. As a female Footstool, I suppose Nat/footstool and Barty/footstool aren't as bad as they originally sounded...
As for ships...Jane/Duvall? Mortenson/Ffoukes? Faquarl/Jabor?
The grossest one I can think of is, as of now, Kavka/dodgy candle, especially if the candle is what I think it is...
Bartimaeus: It won't be the only mad thing about if you let this lot go. Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style.
Nathaniel: That is a footstool. No one's using that Pentacle.